I woke up this morning at 5 am and tried to go back to sleep. My mind was playing tricks and I could not get it to settle down. I was trying hard to get grounded but everything seemed to go awry. I just could not feel comfortable inside myself. Negative thoughts and feelings were in my way. I knew I needed to correct myself but it was very difficult. I tried a mantra which helped a little but those negative thoughts still prevailed. I sat at my computer searching for answers. Almost seven hours had gone by and I was still trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I kept looking for answers but I could not find them.<\/p>\n
I must confess, I\u00b9ve always been the kind of guy who keeps everything inside. I never wanted to burden anyone with my feelings because I believed I could handle my problems by myself. I\u00b9d never discussed my innermost feelings with anyone. I\u00b9d search for answers from others who I thought knew more than me. I read about metaphysics but could not remember or retain all the information mostly because I didn\u00b9t think much of myself as a person.<\/p>\n
I grew up in a home where conversation and communication didn\u00b9t exist. Whatever anger and sadness I felt was kept inside. I was afraid to communicate my feelings. I\u00b9d make it up that I was strong and could handle any situation. My low esteem led to my feeling retarded so I stayed in the background and only ventured forth for selfish reasons.<\/p>\n
In my mind I made myself right by running away from the real world I lived in. I\u00b9d make up stories to please my ego, but my soul and spirit suffered. I judged everybody and everything to satisfy my childish needs. I was too wrapped up in myself to know my life wasn\u00b9t working the way I wanted it to. I\u00b9d blame everyone. It was always: \u00b3You did it to me, you did it to me\u00b2. I believed it yet I never quite understood it. I realize now I was causing it to myself.<\/p>\n
I was going nuts this morning trying to figure out what the heck was wrong with me and why I was so depressed. Judy gave me the answer and I will remember it for the rest of my life. She said, \u00b3Go look into a mirror for fifteen minutes and you\u00b9ll see who you really are.\u00b2 Because of my low opinion of myself, I never really looked into a mirror for more time than it took me to shave every day.<\/p>\n
I went into my bedroom, pulled a chair over to the mirror and started my lesson. I was about three feet from the mirror just staring at myself with a zillion thoughts running through my mind. Slowly I found my breathing began to come easier and my mind began to quiet down. At first I wanted to run away but I kept saying to myself, \u00b3Stay with it Danny, stay with it. Don\u00b9t go south\u00b2. I knew my life depended on it.<\/p>\n
Slowly I found my breathing began to come easier and my mind began to quiet down. I was wishing the 15 minutes were over but I stuck with it. At a point, I flicked on the lights and got closer to the mirror, so I could really see myself. The closer I got the more I became aware of who I was.<\/p>\n
I saw Danny as another person, a person who looked good in the mirror. I saw a human being, loved and respected by family, friends and acquaintances, a person who thought highly of himself, a person who could handle any situation, not stupid, but bright, not selfish but giving, not fake but real living day to day and moment to moment.<\/p>\n
Doing mirror therapy gave me a look at myself I\u00b9d never seen before and now I know anytime I get down on myself, the mirror treatment will give me the answer I am seeking. I have nothing to be afraid of by looking into the mirror anymore. It reveals a true alive picture of the person I love and respect. I\u00b9ll do that mirror work every day.<\/p>\n
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I woke up this morning at 5 am and tried to go back to sleep. My mind was playing tricks and I could not get it to settle down. I was trying hard to get grounded but everything seemed to … Continue reading