I was four years old when I asked my parents to buy me a life size doll. I saw her in the window of Macy’s department store and I fell in love. She had beautiful blue eyes, curly blonde hair, a dimple in her cheeks and a welcoming smile that warmed my heart and left a deep impression within me.
I wanted that doll more than anything I could have imagined at that time. I dreamt about her every night. I begged my parents to buy her for me. I cajoled, I cried and I sobbed to no avail.
I don’t know why they refused to buy her for me. She might have been too expensive or they might have thought it was too frivolous a gift or it might have been they just didn’t want to “spoil” me. Whatever the reason, at four I didn’t care, I just wanted that doll.
Their refusal to buy that doll was more than disappointing. I embodied it and I was left with the hurt and pain of longing and at four, I made a decision that asking doesn’t get you what you want so I had to find a better way of getting things I wanted.
It was two years before I stopped dreaming about that doll and as I grew up, my four year old mind knew if I wanted something, asking was not an option. That translated into the rest of my life. I internalized it and believed I didn’t deserve to have what I wanted by just asking.
From then on I learned how to manipulate my parents in order to get what I wanted and I became very skilled at it. It became an art form in which I learned how to negotiate through logic, skirting around issues and making myself look good. To my disadvantage, underneath this skill was my inner four year old, still afraid of rejection by asking for what she wants. And as I grew up, she didn’t.
When I was sixteen the same issue surfaced the first time I fell in love. I longed for that relationship more than almost anything. After a torrid six month romance without actually “doing the deed” because I believed I was too young, he left me for his old girlfriend who would. I received a “Dear John” letter spelling out all the details because he didn’t have the courage for a face to face confrontation. I experienced that same pain of hurt and longing, only this time it lasted for only three days until I recovered and made a conscious decision never to allow that to happen to me again. In every relationship thereafter I was the one who left. But my four year old mind was still making my decisions.
There’s an art to asking for what you want. When you love your Self unconditionally and you know you’re worthy and deserving, the gift of giving and receiving has no ulterior motives.
When we allow our ego to dictate a desire we look for something in return. And with these expectations we create an environment for manipulation where we’ll use any means to produce the result we seek. It defies generosity and the true desire to give and receive.
Once I uncovered and discovered the issue, I was able to clear the issue and reprogram my belief. I forgave my parents, my old boyfriend and myself. This left me free to ask for anything I want and on the most part I create receiving it. One important factor is to have no expectations and allow for the possibility of a “no” response, letting go of the idea and the need for having to have.
With no attachment to the idea of “getting what I want”, I’m clear. I’ve learned to ask the universe for assistance. I’ve created parking spaces in hard to find areas, tables in restaurants, spaces in line, even people’s reactions to things by showing the love. When I want to make contact with others, I concentrate my thoughts in their direction and within a very short time, sometimes immediately, I receive a call, an email or a card. At first this phenomenon blew my mind and now it’s become a part of my every day magical life.
I spent two amazing years, on and off, writing a fantasy novel based on an original fairy tale I wrote with my fifteen year old grandson Skyler all because I wasn’t afraid to ask for what I wanted. After he read the story he suggested I expand it into a novel. Since I had not the slightest idea how to to do that, I asked him to write it with me and we’d learn along the way. At one time that would have been a huge risk for rejection.
We completed the novel only to discover our form was way off and in order to finish the project, it would take a lot of time to restructure and rewrite it. None of that matters because the two years we spent together was the gift. It wouldn’t have mattered what the project or results were. We learned more about each other and opened the door to a truly honest and respectful relationship. Had I not asked, I would never have received such a life changing gift.
Tapping into the energy of the spiritual universe is available to all of us if we just listen and are willing to let go of our preconceived notions. When we still our minds we hear the messages. When we ask for what we want, the answers come from within. Our spirit knows and when we are silent and still we hear the voices from that place of unconditional love and know exactly what to do.
I’d rather ask and have someone say no, than never to have asked at all.
