When our thoughts are colored with criticism, we view the worst parts of ourselves and others. When we see our own unconditional magnificence, we can calm those thoughts and choose not to honor them.
I grew up in a household where we all had very strong opinions and points of view and often were incompatible, resulting in a lot of conflict. We blamed each other when we were disappointed or assumed credit for each other’s achievements.
“It’s your fault” or “you made me do it” were mantras around my house. Nobody ever said, “I am responsible for” or “I am at cause” or “I choose to do this”. Responsibility was always linked to blame, guilt, or credit, all driven by the programming of our egoic minds.
When Danny and I got married and had children, the pattern continued until I realized it was an inappropriate way to live my life. So, in order to be responsible, I had to transform my point of view. In rethinking the true meaning of responsibility, I had to change my perception and come from the point of view that I always choose my own reality, which wasn’t easy.
When we are spiritually responsible, knowing we have the choice to be at cause without judgments, and are willing to take charge of our own lives at every moment, we create the environment for transformation. And It takes courage to choose this as a way of life.
Without taking responsibility, there can be no opportunity for change. When we take responsibility, we are open to loving our Selves without excuses or reasons and we create opportunities to make decisions for our lives to be exactly the way we want them to be.
For a long time I had pains in my wrists which I believed to be arthritis. Since I didn’t use any pharmaceutical products, I was able to control the pain by using “Panaway”, a healthy therapeutic “Young Living” grade A Essential Oil, which helped me control the discomfort.
While doing the clearing work and techniques I use, I discovered that at three years old I decided I was responsible for my father’s joy and as I grew up it translated into everyone’s joy around me. I buried the issue but continued to come from that three year old point of view as I was taking on the responsibility of holding the world in my hands and the burden was too heavy for my wrists.
By discovering and uncovering this core belief, I was able to transform, clear and reprogram my thinking and when I did, the pain and the arthritis magically disappeared. Now I know I‘m only responsible for my own joy and everything else I think, feel and do. Any time I even get a twinge of discomfort in my wrists, I realize I’m slipping back into that old belief and it’s a signal for me to clear myself in the moment.
I know I’m responsible for every decision I ever made in my life. Everyone around me did what they did and none of it had anything to do with me, even though I thought it did at the time. The decisions I made had only to do with how I perceived each situation and each person’s reaction as they occurred. My reactions had only to do with my programming, nothing else. The result of ingesting this information has changed the way I deal with people every day.
By choosing my responsibility without putting reasons to them, I can surrender, accept and forgive, and now I’m free to Be, present and living each moment.
When we’re willing to abandon our judgments and critical thinking and surrender and let go of assumptions, presumptions and conclusions standing in the way of love and forgiveness, we’re living a truly responsible life in love, joy, peace, harmony and freedom.
Being responsible without critical thinking IS love and forgiveness, void of reasons and excuses and the most natural authentic way to Be.
Seven: Ask and You Shall Receive (Or Not)
I was four years old when I asked my parents to buy me a life size doll. I saw her in the window of Macy’s department store and I fell in love. She had beautiful blue eyes, curly blonde hair, a dimple in her cheeks and a welcoming smile that warmed my heart and left a deep impression within me.
I wanted that doll more than anything I could have imagined at that time. I dreamt about her every night. I begged my parents to buy her for me. I cajoled, I cried and I sobbed to no avail.
I don’t know why they refused to buy her for me. She might have been too expensive or they might have thought it was too frivolous a gift or it might have been they just didn’t want to “spoil” me. Whatever the reason, at four I didn’t care, I just wanted that doll.
Their refusal to buy that doll was more than disappointing. I embodied it and I was left with the hurt and pain of longing and at four, I made a decision that asking doesn’t get you what you want so I had to find a better way of getting things I wanted.
It was two years before I stopped dreaming about that doll and as I grew up, my four year old mind knew if I wanted something, asking was not an option. That translated into the rest of my life. I internalized it and believed I didn’t deserve to have what I wanted by just asking.
From then on I learned how to manipulate my parents in order to get what I wanted and I became very skilled at it. It became an art form in which I learned how to negotiate through logic, skirting around issues and making myself look good. To my disadvantage, underneath this skill was my inner four year old, still afraid of rejection by asking for what she wants. And as I grew up, she didn’t.
When I was sixteen the same issue surfaced the first time I fell in love. I longed for that relationship more than almost anything. After a torrid six month romance without actually “doing the deed” because I believed I was too young, he left me for his old girlfriend who would. I received a “Dear John” letter spelling out all the details because he didn’t have the courage for a face to face confrontation. I experienced that same pain of hurt and longing, only this time it lasted for only three days until I recovered and made a conscious decision never to allow that to happen to me again. In every relationship thereafter I was the one who left. But my four year old mind was still making my decisions.
There’s an art to asking for what you want. When you love your Self unconditionally and you know you’re worthy and deserving, the gift of giving and receiving has no ulterior motives.
When we allow our ego to dictate a desire we look for something in return. And with these expectations we create an environment for manipulation where we’ll use any means to produce the result we seek. It defies generosity and the true desire to give and receive.
Once I uncovered and discovered the issue, I was able to clear the issue and reprogram my belief. I forgave my parents, my old boyfriend and myself. This left me free to ask for anything I want and on the most part I create receiving it. One important factor is to have no expectations and allow for the possibility of a “no” response, letting go of the idea and the need for having to have.
With no attachment to the idea of “getting what I want”, I’m clear. I’ve learned to ask the universe for assistance. I’ve created parking spaces in hard to find areas, tables in restaurants, spaces in line, even people’s reactions to things by showing the love. When I want to make contact with others, I concentrate my thoughts in their direction and within a very short time, sometimes immediately, I receive a call, an email or a card. At first this phenomenon blew my mind and now it’s become a part of my every day magical life.
I spent two amazing years, on and off, writing a fantasy novel based on an original fairy tale I wrote with my fifteen year old grandson Skyler all because I wasn’t afraid to ask for what I wanted. After he read the story he suggested I expand it into a novel. Since I had not the slightest idea how to to do that, I asked him to write it with me and we’d learn along the way. At one time that would have been a huge risk for rejection.
We completed the novel only to discover our form was way off and in order to finish the project, it would take a lot of time to restructure and rewrite it. None of that matters because the two years we spent together was the gift. It wouldn’t have mattered what the project or results were. We learned more about each other and opened the door to a truly honest and respectful relationship. Had I not asked, I would never have received such a life changing gift.
Tapping into the energy of the spiritual universe is available to all of us if we just listen and are willing to let go of our preconceived notions. When we still our minds we hear the messages. When we ask for what we want, the answers come from within. Our spirit knows and when we are silent and still we hear the voices from that place of unconditional love and know exactly what to do.
I’d rather ask and have someone say no, than never to have asked at all.
